Time's quicksands
by regie27
Summary: Time passes by, yet Shitow Haruka stubornly refuses to let go of her memories and her hopes. However, there has always been someone who has also been affected by her refusal to let go of the past. A pre series look at Itsuki and Haruka.


**Time's quicksands**

A RahXephon fanfiction by regie27

Standard disclaimers apply

"_Shitow Haruka's time is still stuck in 2012."_

Kisaragi Itsuki

-o-

_March 10, 2026_

_TERRA Headquarters' Motor Pool_

_0830 hrs_

1st Lieutenant Shitow Haruka stared at the strip of road that bridged the gap between TERRA HQs and their private airstrip, as her thoughts centered on the last piece of news that had been the watercooler topic of the week. She was anxious to return to the base and review the briefings for the upcoming operations. The rumor mill had started to grind its wheels frantically since the last sporadic attack of the MU at Singapore. After much failures and a much needed boost in budget thanks to the Bahbem Foundation, there were initial reports that the first live tests of the TDD engine were promising enough to believe TERRA had finally succeeded in creating a weapon able to withstand and counterattack the MU advance. If the Intel reports were as accurate as it was rumored, she knew the next step for the Federation was to launch a high scale operation. The personnel to participate in such an operation would be handpicked and the competition to land the few, precious slots was going to be fierce.

Haruka ran down a mental list of her objectives so far; the latest one was already crossed out. After years working at less important sections, she finally earned a coveted slot in the Intelligence Division and therefore, now she worked directly under HQ. She had already dutifully completed her quarterly Officer Assessment, the Continuing Education requirements and the organization's shrink had deemed her sane enough to work at the stressful environment of the belly of the beast that was HQ. As she had carefully planned, at last she was in the right place at the right moment. Her record should be deemed interesting enough to make it to the Selection Board for the upcoming missions. Tapping absentmindedly over the steering wheel while making a stop, Haruka voiced her thoughts out loud:

"I just need to update my weapons qualification numbers and I think my package has a real chance to land on the Board. If only I didn't have to do this silly gofer duty today" the junior officer mumbled her expression one of utter frustration. Her voice could not hide the disbelief and the slight contempt she had for the mission at hand.

"I thought they had personnel for this! Well, there's no purpose in protesting now and the Colonel looked very adamant in that I did this. It seems this guy is very important for the research dept. Oh well, it can't be worse than that CQ shift I pulled last month. At least Elvy knew how to hide her tracks. What in the world she was thinking to take a civilian to a Restricted Area? Then again, the guy was indeed hot. You owe me that one, Hadhiyat!" the lieutenant added with a saucy grin. She sighted in relief as the road sign for the airport was at last sighted. If she remained on schedule, she would be back before lunchtime and could still be able to get some information.

Haruka flashed her ID to the garrison guard and the liftgate opened, letting the car go through. Minutes later, as expected, a state of the art Tian-Lan with TERRA's logo emblazoned landed unremarkably with its VIP on board. Haruka put on her dark glasses, the glare of the landing strip blinding her eyesight. When the plane's door started to slide open, she moved on queue leaving her seating at the wheel, fixing her uniform trying to smooth the wrinkles off. A tall, bespectacled figure initiated his way down the staircase. The dark gray hair and tailored cut of his clothes surprised the TERRA officer since she was actually expecting an older man. She reprimanded herself mentally for being so scatterbrain to forget the guy's profile record with the remains of her morning's breakfast. If she had read it beforehand as she was supposed to, the man's identity wouldn't be a guess by now. She couldn't make his features too well, due to the distance and the glare. The man noticed the official-looking vehicle that was waiting for him and initiated a path towards it.

She was readying for a martial salute when suddenly, her eyes focused on the newcomer's face. She removed her glasses, wanting to make sure she had seen correctly. Her pupils went wide and her jaw dropped. Even with the more mature features and the longer hair she could recognize him immediately.

"Itsuki-kun?"

A smile of recognition flashed on the doctor's face. Much to her obvious embarrassment, he obviously assessed her from head to toe and nodded to himself in approval. Feeling her cheeks fluster, Haruka quickly regained her composure and gestured in the rigid posture of a formal salute.

"Kisaragi-san, I'm sorry for the familiarity. 1st LT Shitow reporting, sir."

Itsuki chuckled under his breath, obviously amused. It was her after all. His sources had once again done an excellent job and this time, he really appreciated their effort.

"My, I knew I was going to receive a nice welcome, but this time TERRA has outdone itself. I'm glad they have improved in their recruiting. I wouldn't have imagined you would end up looking so nice in uniform Lieutenant Shitow. At ease, please. I can't stand this military nonsense too well."

"Kisaragi Itsuki-san, it's that really you? What I heavens are you doing here?" Haruka exclaimed, not being able to contain any longer her surprise.

"Didn't they tell you? I work here and now I've been promoted to head of the Investigating Branch. My sister and I been living here for how long two, three years I believe, but I was away often on a special assignment. It is nice to know you've decided to join us. As soon as Quon arrives, I'll have to introduce the two of you."

"You have a sister?"

"Yes. I think I neglected to disclose that fact back then. She was on a private school overseas, so I didn't have a chance for you to meet before. In fact, she just moved with me about 4 years ago anyway. Your sister is also here on Nirai-Kanai, isn't that so?"

"It seems you have already landed a copy of my dossier. My younger sister Megumi and I are living with uncle Rikudoh. I moved after I graduated and I later applied for TERRA" she quipped, her eyebrows slightly lifted in a quizzical expression. Itsuki always seemed to have the sometimes unsettling ability of finding out the most arcane fact from anyone if he wished to.

"So many changes! The surname, the hair… actually, I like it like this better. It makes you look more mature. You know I always thought you had a nice neckline."

Brushing off the last comment, Haruka replied in a more relaxed tone: "the name change wasn't something of my choice but my mother's. She remarried after…after she gave up waiting for my father to return. As for the hair, long hair wasn't really that practical during Officer Candidate School so I decided to cut it. It was time for a change anyway."

"You sure sound like you have indeed changed since we last met. Can I invite you for a cup of tea? It will be quite interesting to find out what you've been up to."

"I'm not sure I can. I need to report back to HQ."

"That can be arranged. I'm sure Colonel Kunugi will not mind if I request for you to help me settle back."

"If you say so. Actually, a cup of tea sounds good. Besides, I'm curious on what type of home you have here. Your tastes were always exquisite, Kisaragi-san."

"And I don't think I'll disappoint you on that one, but aren't we old acquaintances enough for you to treat so formally? I mean, we are old friends and we are going to be colleagues. I would appreciate if we started our renewed friendship with the same level of familiarity we used to have before."

Haruka noticed a sparkle in his eyes and a warm timbre in his voice. Could it be that after all these years, almost a decade already, he still…?

"You're right Itsuki-kun. I'm glad to have a familiar face around."

A broad smile materialized on his pale face.

"Thank you. It really means a lot for me. Now, shall we get going?"

* * *

_September 20, 2017_

_Nara Daigaku_

_1130 hrs_

Second year music theory student Kisaragi Itsuki lifted his eyes away from the text again in the last 30 minutes or so that he had been trying to get past the fourth line, and observed the young woman with the bright auburn eyes across him. His bento box lay almost untouched by his side. He lifted his glasses from the tip of the nose were they had slipped to and adjusted the book to conceal his face. He didn't wish to appear so obvious, but the fact was that he had found this particular girl a very interesting sight to behold, and it made him thank once again the instant he requested to return to Japan. After transferring from a prestigious English university filled with vacuous ceremonies and old traditions that nobody cared about, the Nara Daigaku campus was a welcome change. He had wished to attend the legendary Toudai but sadly, the MU invasion had eliminated it as an option now that the city still lay encased within the Absolute Barrier. Still, he couldn't be happy enough that college gave him the freedom to be away from the Foundation and its stiff handlers at least for the time being because he suspected the Foundation had more plans for him in the near future. They would not definitely allow the years and efforts they poured onto him go to waste.

Admiring the tranquil ambiance of the campus, he wished Makoto could also be here. However, he understood his friend had other plans in his life and none of them had to do with music. In fact, Itsuki couldn't help but feel worried about his platinum-haired friend. After that night they had almost escaped, something inside him had changed and sadly not for the better. He just wished his friend could find the way to be happy with himself, but he feared that wasn't going to be the case. "Makoto, your ambition will be the death of you" murmured Itsuki under his breath. Helena on the other hand, well, he was just glad the blonde woman also thought his attachment to music was just a silliness that he should have outgrown. But none of that mattered anymore. He had the opportunity to be at last himself. Not an instrumentalist, not a child branded by the mark of Xephon, but just Kisaragi Itsuki.

As he had expected, the campus was filled with interesting characters and pretty girls. Happily, none of them resembled Helena in the least and for that he was quite grateful. However, this particular girl had caught his attention in a way that had even surprised him. There was an aura about her, a fascinating mixture of strength and vulnerability, of intelligence yet a carefree attitude that fascinated him. Her laughter was genuine and honest; qualities that he found quite refreshing and so diametrically different from what he had lived in his infancy at the Foundation.

Mishima Haruka. That was her name, he recalled. They had crossed paths on their way to their respective classes each morning. She had caught his interest among the other girls with the surprising depth her gaze could convey. He wondered when he would muster the courage to meet her, to learn what else it could be found behind those chocolaty orbs. A grin materialized in his pale face. The title from the book cover that held her utmost attention was discernible enough to read from where he sat down.

It was James Churchward's "Lost Continent of Mu."

Suddenly knowing how start a conversation, he stood up and directed his steps towards the young woman with the auburn eyes.

* * *

_On the road towards Dr. Kisaragi's residence_

_March 10, 2026_

_1015 hrs_

"If I had told you back then that you would have ended up driving me around, you would have never believed me" the scientist said, evidently enjoying being chauffeured around by an attractive officer. He silently lamented the fact that the ride was about to end as he caught the outline of his house down the road.

"Not only that, I might have hurled a book to your head just for the thought. Enjoy it while it lasts, I don't think this is going to be a permanent assignment" replied Haruka with a mischievous grin. Itsuki countered with the same impish tone:

"I could pull some strings and request you to be my permanent escort. Security reasons perhaps? Say, when did you decided to join TERRA?"

Haruka glanced back at the rear mirror to notice Itsuki's curious glance. "I guess it was after mom remarried. I wasn't particularly pleased with the new situation, so when I learned about TERRA and since I knew uncle Rikudoh lived close to its facilities, I decided to join. It offered a change of pace and a challenge, so it didn't think it twice and well, here I am. It also gave me a steady income and the security for me to take care of Megumi. She never had the chance to meet our father but she resented the fact that mom remarried. I knew she wasn't going to be comfortable staying with mom and her husband once I left, so she came along. Uncle was kind enough to accept us both."

"To be honest, I never imagined you in the military, but then again, you were sort of an enigma for me. You're motivations were always zealously guarded. Sometimes I likened you to one of those old time Templar Knights on a sort of grand secret mission in this world. I tried to get inside that head of yours, but guess I didn't go too far."

"It was never my intention Itsuki-kun, it's just…"

"I know. Of all people, at least I can say is that I know. Besides, I did learn to read your moods and your emotions. You're not that good hiding those or at least you weren't back then."

"I guess you did. I really meant it when I said before I was glad to see you again."

"I'm happy to know you find my company pleasant. Sometimes I felt that wasn't the case." A slight recriminating tone filtered through his words. He caught the sharp undertone and the immediate ashamed expression that perched on her face. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for."

"It's okay. It was my fault for making you feel that way. I hope we can learn from our mistakes and take this chance to begin with a clean slate."

"I appreciate the thought. So, any boyfriends for you?"

Haruka drew a deep breath. "No, and you'll find that there are other things in my life that haven't changed either."

* * *

_Caravaggio Hotel Inauguration Party_

_28 December 2018_

_2045 hrs_

It was the grand inauguration of the exquisite and very exclusive Caravaggio Hotel in downtown Nara and everybody that was among the best and brightest and not to mention wealthiest of the Japanese society were there to witness the event. Ambassadors, foreign emissaries, military personnel of the highest rank and politicians all gathered to bask in the limelight. Flashes from cameras of all types gleamed, trying to capture the image of the VIPs that congregated to enjoy each other's company. That's why it was so awkward for two undergraduate students to be commingling with the cream of the crop of the city's society that evening.

"I really don't want to find out how you managed to sneak us here but your connections are quite impressive Itsuki-kun!"

"Hey, don't look at me as I was related to the Yakuza or something. It is just that my sponsors are highly esteemed and since they were invited, they informed me that I could come by too."

"You sure have some impressive sponsors. This place is amazing and the way the staff looked at you when you showed the invitations it was as if you were related to royalty or something!"

"I really didn't pay too much attention to that because I've been too busy noticing how amazing you look tonight." Used to seeing her in casual clothes at the campus, he was quite impressed by the elegant black, sleeveless dress that his companion chose for the occasion. Along with his finely tailored dark suit, they paired up as a very attractive couple.

Haruka blushed noticeably at the comment. Itsuki simply chuckled and took her gently by the arm. They were heading to the tables for the formal dinner when a familiar voice startled Itsuki:

"Kisaragi! So you came to the party too? I thought you would be too busy doing your music translations or whatever you call it to come. It is quite an unexpected and pleasant surprise."

Itsuki recognized the voice immediately and turned around to seek the face that matched the voice. As expected, hawkish eyes locked with his. A man with white short-cropped hair and a sly grin stood on the opposite side of the ballroom. A beautiful woman with auburn long hair and voluptuous curves stood beside him.

"Makoto!" exclaimed Itsuki as he hurried towards his friend.

"Well, I'm glad that you not only brought your nose out from the books but to also have the good sense to arrive pleasantly accompanied. Isshiki Makoto, at your service" the man said, silently assessing the woman that was beside Itsuki. He expressed his approval with a discreet wink that only Itsuki managed to see.

"Mishima Haruka. Pleased to meet you." Haruka couldn't help but feel a certain cold edge from the man's voice and gaze that not even the amiable gesture could conceal. She wondered for how long they knew each other.

"Well, since introductions are now done, should we get going to our table? I'm afraid if we don't hurry well miss dinner."

"Agreed Itsuki. Besides, I'm really interested in knowing in how you managed to attract such a lovely young lady. I bet she would love to hear all about all our adventures!" added Makoto, as a mischievous grin perched on his face.

"Makoto!"

The white-haired man laughed heartily, obviously enjoying the opportunity to embarrass his friend.

"I think is going to be a long night!" muttered the music student to himself as he braced for all the embarrassing facts he knew his friend would reveal.

* * *

_Suite 280_

_2351 hrs_

"I'm sorry Itsuki-kun. I'll make this call as brief as possible. I just want to know how things are going at Osaka. It is the first time I spend the holidays away from my family after all."

"Take all the time you need. In fact, we might as well enjoy the great view. It's good that my benefactors indulge in the things that can make a good evening even more enjoyable. Besides, I know Makoto already left with his friend and I really doubt we get to see him for the rest of the evening so there's no hurry."

As Haruka stepped in and searched for the phone, Itsuki walked inside the elegant and rather large suite. Actually, he didn't mind the opportunity to share some time alone with Haruka. Opportunities like this were scarce since usually the two of them were too busy with their college workload and at the weekends she would spend most of the time with her family. They had dated for over a year and knew each other even longer, but the times that they were actually alone had been far too few. Knowing beforehand about the hotel inauguration and that her family was to leave for Osaka, he seized the opportunity and she had almost refused if it had not been for her mom's insistence that she took some time to relax by herself.

As he inhaled the invigorating cool air of the night at the balcony, he tried to discern why it seemed as if she had been trying to distance herself from him. She had always been somewhat aloof and had kept a rather bothersome distance, even when they were officially seen as a couple for quite a while. It had grown worse as December arrived, and every day that went by, she grew more distant and withdrawn. Perhaps this was their best opportunity to clear things out. As he admired the cityscape and the silver full moon a snowflake, then two, then hundreds of them caught his attention as they appeared out of the blue, blanketing the streets below with a white, soft blanket. The biting cold forced him to return inside, so rather reluctantly Itsuki closed the sliding door to the balcony and entered back to the suite. Wringing his hands, the idea of a cup of steaming tea seemed like the best way to fight the cold. Actually, there was another far more pleasant alternative but that one needed the consent and willing cooperation of his companion. Smiling inwardly as he debated the odds of that one being possible, he walked towards the room where he had left her. The unmistakable sounds of sobs startled him. He found Haruka staring at the window and the falling snow like in a state of paralysis, long tears streaming down her face.

"Haruka, are you okay? It's everything alright with your family?" Itsuki's face reflected his concern as he maneuvered the young woman to sit down on a nearby couch. From his pocket he brought a silk handkerchief which he offered her. She hesitated for an instant but took it and slightly nodded as if to signal she was okay. As she drew a cleansing breath and dried her tears, she replied with a calmer tone:

"Mom and Megumi are okay. Don't mind me. This is, how is that the Americans call it, winter blues? Guess I am more sensitive during the Holidays, that's all."

"Haruka, I know you've been trying hard to keep a happy facade but I'm afraid you're a lousy liar. You've been particularly distant tonight. In fact, this is something that's been nagging me lately but I couldn't find the right time to talk it out before. You know been going out for a while now, but I've always felt you've put an impenetrable barrier between us and you're very much aware of my feelings for you. It hurts, you know…"

"What…?"

"Your distance. I can't get close to you no matter what I do. You unconsciously reject me and it really hurts Haruka, because I don't even know why. I'm starting to believe you think I'm not worthy of you."

"Don't say that! You've been wonderful to me. I'm not rejecting you Itsuki-kun…It's just…"

"Oh, barrier is up again I see. Why Haruka, you know there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Why the distance? Why I feel you are holding back? Why can't you let me in?"

"I'm not sure if I should tell you this. I mean…it is a thing of the past but…"

"The past, this should be interesting" Itsuki said pushing his glasses up and placing his right hand underneath his chin in a pensive stance. "Okay, who was he and what happened that has left you in this shape?"

Haruka blinked astonished. How Itsuki knew it was a he? Recovering quickly from the mild shock, she answered: "The truth is that five years ago, when the MU attacked us and Tokyo was trapped in the Barrier, I lost someone special. I didn't loose not only my father but also a friend, a good friend whom I was close to."

"You mean a boyfriend."

Haruka paused, then continued as her slightly cracking voice gave out the emotional burden long kept in hiding. "Yes, he was my boyfriend. Silly isn't it? It has been so long since that but I feel I left part of me trapped inside that barrier and I don't understand why. I've tried to let go, just like my mother wishes me to but I…I can't! I'm sorry Itsuki, I should have told you this before. I've been such a jerk."

"Is it someone I know?"

"Not really. He was a classmate back in Tokyo. We met at a trip to Neriya while we visited my uncle Rikudoh, who's an archaeologist. I caught him doing a drawing of me. He told me I looked picturesque. He wanted to become a professional painter when we graduated." Her glance seemed distant for a moment as if she were reliving that day in her mind's eye.

"You have a thing for artists Haruka dear. And this painter, does he have a name?"

"I…" Words seemed to choke painfully on Haruka's throat. Her hands shook slightly over her lap. The bespectacled student noticed and quipped gently:

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't push you like this. We can leave it like this if you want to. I must admit I feel rather jealous because you are talking about him with such a passion I didn't even imagined you possessed."

"I'm so sorry Itsuki-kun. His name was Kamina, Kamina Ayato. He was with his father while he and my uncle worked researching some ruins."

"The name sounds intriguing. Kamina, "from the gods."

"Yes, I think that's what it means."

As Haruka stood silent for a moment, Itsuki kept staring at her intently, as if he wished to reach through the depths of her soul. "Haruka, do you love me?"

"Itsuki-kun…!"

"I need to know. You are aware of what I feel, but I don't know what I am to you. Do you love me?"

"You are very special to me and you've been kind and gentle and I really enjoy being with you and…"

Her hesitance disappointed Itsuki deeply; his perception seemed to be correct after all. He sighted loudly as he put into words what he had feared. "But you don't feel the same I do. That's okay. I understand. Well, it's snowing now I think you will need a ride home. Let me get my keys." Itsuki stood up offering his hand to help her stand up, his countenance serious and his mood noticeably subdued. Haruka couldn't help the horrible sense of guilt that crept up inside her conscience.

"I'm sorry. I really wished I could learn to love you. I really wanted to but it's just…"

"Don't apologize. We'll deal with this one day at a time, alright?" The student began his way towards the door.

"Okay" she replied as she followed him out.

Itsuki hand's extended to reach for the doorknob when he out of a sudden he stopped, as if something had clicked inside him. Haruka caught up with him as she stared in a quizzical manner. Sensing her closeness, he turned around as his glance locked with hers. A worried expression materialized on her face.

"Itsuki-kun, are you okay?" But before she could say anything else, Itsuki's lips came to cover hers in a passionate kiss. His arms engulfed her, bringing her closer to him as his mouth sought admittance in a deliberate assault. Her lips felt warm and soft against his and he was very much aware of the softness of her body against his own. He wanted her, badly, and the fact that she might never want him with same intensity infuriated him. Having her like this was like a wish come true that crashed with the harsh reality of the stiff barrier she had so carefully, stubbornly erected and that kept him out of her heart. He could sense her nervousness, her hesitation to let him in, the way her body remained rigid despite his efforts to undermine her defenses. Frustrated, reaching for his self-control damaged by the delicious scent of her perfume, he withdrew as he gathered his breath. Pushing his hair back, he muttered:

"Haruka, if you would just give me the chance, I could help you forget him. I want to help you because I can see loneliness in your eyes and it kills me to see you that way. I care for you, I really do. I know it must be hard to let go, to try to forget and start over. You must have loved him dearly. Heh, I'm really feeling awfully jealous of this past boyfriend of yours if you loved him so much that you're still loyal to his memory after all these years."

Her brown eyes and her slightly trembling voice conveyed the intensity and almost maddening emotions that assaulted her and was forced to confront head on at this instant:

"Yes I did, he was my first love and I think I still love him, despite the time, despite the fact he might have already forgotten me, despite the reality that I might never get to see him again. Despite it all, I can't deny what I feel even if I want it so badly to stop. When I met you, I really wanted to love you. I wanted to start over because I hate living with this burden. I don't want to live with this uncertainty, with the possibility I might end up alone all my life waiting for an impossible dream. I don't want to be left alone and cold." Her fists clenched at her sides as her head hung low to hide the tears that escaped her eyes.

"I don't want you to be left alone and cold either…"

Itsuki brought Haruka's chin up as his fingers gently caught the tears. Ever so slowly, his head craned down towards her and his lips touched hers in a gentle kiss. He jolted slightly when he felt Haruka yielding to his caress, her lips at last parting to allow him in. Sparks flew as his tongue touched hers and his gentle, almost languid caress became more intense as he realized he couldn't reign in his desire any longer. He brought her arms around his neck as he left her lips and began a moist trail from her cheek down to the right earlobe. When he lifted his head again, Haruka realized his eyes had darkened with desire and realized almost alarmed that she also felt an urgent need building up inside herself. Brushing the soft strands of bluish black hair away from her shoulders, he cupped her face as his voice came in a low, husky tone that stirred the proverbial butterflies in her stomach:

"Please, stay with me tonight. I want to ease your hurt, fill the void that is eating up your soul and that's causing you so much pain. Let me be the one that makes you fall in love again."

"Itsuki-kun…" Her voice trembled, her mind spun with questions yet unspoken. Could she allow herself to forget the one she loved with someone who reminded him so much? If he only knew that what made it so hard for her was their amazing resemblance! But this night, Haruka felt more mortal and vulnerable than ever in her life. She longed so badly to forget even if it were for a brief moment, she wanted to banish the cold and emptiness that froze her inside out. Her glance momentarily went towards the December nightscape, watching the snowflakes fall mercilessly over the city, feeling her skin shiver with the cool draft that sneaked inside from a nearby window and from the painful remembrance it brought, exposing her unhealed wounds all over again. Itsuki's voice, so warm, so soothing and enticing, brought her back from her trail of thoughts. Placing a kiss on each of her hands, he simply whispered as his forehead touched hers:

"For you my dear Haruka, I'm Itsuki…I'm just Itsuki."

* * *

_March 10, 2026_

_Dr. Kisaragi's residence_

_1115 hrs_

"Nice place you have here Itsuki-kun! You're obviously on the higher pay scales and it shows" Haruka exclaimed as she admired the immense two story house. The house was encased in such a way the Nirai bay surrounded it and the pyramidal building that served as TERRA's most prominent landmark served as spectacular background to the place.

"What can I say? I enjoy what I do and its spoils. You seem doing rather well and I wouldn't be surprised in the least if you end up as head of Intelligence one day" the doctor replied as he allowed the both of them inside the spacious home.

"Don't flatter me. The salary of a Lieutenant is nothing to brag about but it provides a decent living. So, when is your sister arriving?" Haruka replied, following the scientist. The sea shimmered brightly under the midday sun; reflections of sapphire and turquoise with gold were visible from virtually every corner of the immaculate glass-paned walls.

"Ah, Quon! She'll be here in a couple of days. She looks forward to meet you" Itsuki answered as he cornered to one of the rooms to tuck away his luggage.

"She knows about me?" Haruka sat down in a leather sofa while Itsuki continued the visual inspection of his house. She was quite intrigued with this sister of his she did not know about until today. In fact, they had never actually touched on the subject on his family while back then. That was just one of the many mysteries that had surrounded Kisaragi Itsuki. Most of them never had any answers. At least now she could actually feel she knew a bit more about him.

"Of course. She was quite amused to know a classmate of mine had ended up working here also. Well, where have my manners gone? I promised you tea. I'll be right back. Feel yourself at home. And Haruka?"

"Yes?"

"It is really nice to see you again. I really miss our conversations. We had some good times, didn't we?"

"Yes, I guess we did."

Itsuki rushed towards the kitchen and the officer rose, observing with approving glance that the taste of her former classmate had remained indeed exquisite. Her eyes shifted to a table, were several metal frames stood. One of the pictures depicted three children, two boys and one girl. From the glasses and the grayish bangs, she recognized him as a young and rather cute Itsuki. The other boy resembled Itsuki's friend, the one she met back then, but the girls' identity was unknown to her. She suspected that it must have been in the elite institution he had been raised and educated. Another two pictures caught her attention. One featured a girl in her teens with long, flowing reddish hair and purple eyes. The girl was beautiful and delicate looking, like a priceless china doll. The other picture featured a young Itsuki in his graduation robes. She could easily pinpoint the exact place and day it was taken because she had been there. However, by then, their friendship had gone through certain difficulties that had not been properly addressed since then. Before she dwelled upon the remembrances that picture brought, she forced her attention towards the elegant black piano that commanded the spacious living room. TERRA's pyramid was positioned right behind it, augmenting the illusion that the piano was at a stage ready for a concert. Before she could be aware of her own actions, she sat down and ran her fingers across the bi-colored keys.

"Do you like it?" Itsuki's voice startled Haruka. He had removed his jacket and was walking towards her with two cups of tea.

"It is a very nice piano. I guess you're still very into music. I'm glad you are doing what you like" she replied, taking her cup. Itsuki brought a chair to sit beside Haruka. Taking a sip of the warm beverage, he replied:

"In a way I am. I wish I could say it is just for the pleasure of playing, but actually is part of my research. Still, I do enjoy playing with Quon and we have entertained the brass with small recitals, nothing fancy. In fact, let me give you a little demonstration."

Putting his tea cup away, Itsuki started to pulse the keys, bringing a soft melody from it. The short-haired woman listened in silence, as an image she treasured in the confines of her mind came forth, attracted by the music. She could see the girl with the long hair and the school uniform also playing a pleasant, soothing melody on the piano. So concentrated she was on her task that she wasn't aware of the boy that had come to stand beside her, attracted by the sweet, calming sound that she brought from the instrument.

In the present, in a reaction that pleased Itsuki, Haruka's fingers reached for the keys, accompanying his melody, yet their musical voices couldn't be more different. Itsuki's mood was bright and calming but Haruka's had a timbre of melancholy and longing. While her hands followed her musical partner's lead, her mind continued walking through the doors of her memories. Itsuki's living room vanished and in turn, a classroom took its place. She felt an intense gaze and when her head lifted, she found her eyes locking with the boy's azure eyes, but as her present self did the same, it wasn't a boy who stared back, but a man. His eyes had the same shade of blue; his face had the features she imagined he would have at this age. Even the smile was gentle as she remembered but there was something that wasn't quite right, something didn't fit and so the illusion vanished, leaving her with the emptiness, now even more cruelly emphasized by the likeness between them.

The resemblance was so uncanny it pained her just to be with him in the same room, but she hated the fact that for brief instants, her senses could be tricked to believe it was him and not Itsuki. Her fingertips suddenly rose from the black and white ivories and her hands came forcefully to her lap. Itsuki's jovial voice brought her out of her reverie.

"I know it sounds awfully trite, but I think we do make beautiful music together. You shouldn't have stopped. It was actually coming out nicely. You can even come here and play whenever you want."

"No. It was silly of me to even dare to play with you. It must have sounded terrible. I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of what I was doing. It's just that the song brings me memories."

Itsuki stopped his melody pressing one key that gave a low, dramatic tone. "Still trapped in the past I see, but I must confess you're not the only one." His voice took a low undertone. His eyes darkened, as if he had suddenly seen in her face her thoughts. His hand reached hers as his eyes commanded hers to stare at them.

"Haruka, it's been so long. Do you know that my feelings for you haven't changed?"

"Itsuki…"

"Haruka, I think I know what you're thinking." Lifting her hand and placing her palm against his cheek, he said:

"Please understand. You know more than anybody else the impossibility of what you wish for. He is lost, he's gone and heaven knows even if that barrier will ever come down, but I am still here. Fate has brought us to find ourselves again. We can learn to leave the past behind and start all over again. We cannot live for the future stuck in the past and you know it. Just look at yourself and look at me. We are older and time is running its course with us. We should catch up with it and continue forward. I know it's not an easy thing what I'm asking you, but there's one thing for sure: whenever you are ready to come to me, I'll be here."

* * *

_December 29, 2018_

_0840 hrs_

Itsuki looked at the sleeping figure, so peaceful and beautiful, even with the dark locks all in disarray. As his hands toyed with the piece of paper that sealed his fate, his mind relived in excruciating detail every second of what they had shared. He still could taste her, perceive her scent, feel her warmth in his hands and all over his skin as if it had been branded. He could still hear her voice in the dead of the night, two lonely souls coming together to haunt the emptiness and sorrow with a night devoid of inhibitions, of passions that sought solace in their mutual company. It felt wonderful to have her in his arms and to be witness and active participant in her awakening to passion. He had waked up that morning with an optimistic spirit, feeling he was on his way to accomplish his wish and heal her battered heart.

And then, by an act of the fates, he had to know her secret.

A mixture of anger and hopelessness filled his soul as he held the small book and the photo so zealously guarded. It wasn't meant for him or anyone else to see but it had ended on the floor and later found when he was picking up their belongings after last night's events. He read again the short scribbling behind the photo: "To my beloved Ayato" written in the cute handwriting of a 14 year old. The face that looked at him almost mockingly, at least to him, none other than his own at that age minus the glasses and the stern clothing he used to wear at the Foundation, but yet this was not him. It was the other him. The one fated to succeed in what he had failed to not too long ago.

He had always expected his 17th birthday with eagerness and enthusiasm, after a whole life groomed with a single purpose in mind: to be the instrumentalist, the Ollin to bring about the tuning of the world. He had obediently accepted the severe treatment, the lack of parents, the lack of warmth of true human companionship for only the reward of being chosen for such honor, but as the year came and left and nothing happened, his life turned empty, meaningless. He knew that even those who he believed were his friends relished the fact that he had failed. And now the other, with the time delay and the protection of the dome was groomed to be his successor. He would have learned to live in resignation of his fate if at least a new chance at happiness was given to him. He thought that chance had finally arrived with the girl with the warm eyes and cheerful smile. But once again…

"Onni-san. So it has been you who stole her heart. It is you who still haunts her and because of you, it is now impossible for me to reach her heart."

Has this been just the physical manifestation of what they both longed for inside? Was this just a moment of need, a weakness of the flesh, mere pleasurable companionship to fight the cold and the loneliness? No, for him it could never be that. Even if she never knew it, for him it had been an act of love, of what he now sadly understood was a lost cause.

He stood in front of the mirror and stared at the grayish hair, the pale complexion, the blue eyes, the features that instead of making her forget about him, brought his memory back with a vivid intensity.

"You are not to blame for this Haruka. If you just knew the truth, of whom I really am. There's no one to blame for this. It is just rotten luck." His fingers slipped over the smooth surface, wishing his fingertips could rearrange his face in such a way it could never again resemble his onii-san's. Maybe with another face and not this she could fall in love with his true self and not the appearance of what he was for the rest of the world: the substitute. As he pondered on such thoughts, another face appeared on his mirror. Intense auburn orbs were now also staring at him.

"Itsuki?" He turned around to face Haruka. She must have woke up and notice that he wasn't there.

"Haruka, are you okay? You, you don't regret what happened?" He could already sense the turmoil that was rising inside her. He knew, for he was experiencing a similar situation. He braced for the worst.

"No, I knew what I was doing. You didn't coerce me or anything, but I'm sorry because I used you. I'm a terrible person. I stayed with you for my own selfish, petty reasons. It was a moment of weakness but I regret that I had to be with you because you mean so much to me and you have cared for me like more that I could deserve. You deserved more than I gave you."

"Don't say that. I was the one who came up with the proposition, it wasn't the best idea as I realize now but I care for you and I wanted so bad to make you feel better."

"It's not fair Itsuki, it's not fair for you. I can't…I can't keep this up. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"I know what I'm getting into to but I'm willing to wait until you feel your heart is healed enough to accept me. To see me for myself."

"You don't understand; you look so similar to the one I lost that it is scary. Oh god, why do you think I was so shocked when I met you? I thought it was him, that somehow he had made it out of that place until I realized the truth. And to make matters worse, you had to fall in love with me. I can't keep this any longer, because in the end we will both be hurt and deceived. As bad as it is living my life alone with just a silly hope, I could never deceive myself and use you to trick myself that somehow you are him. I just can't do that to you and I can't do that to myself…or to him. I'm sorry Itsuki-kun, but I can't go on with this. We should stop seeing each other before we do even more things we later regret. I wish things were different, I really do but I…"

"I understand. I don't hold it against you. You can't rule your heart and your feelings. Can I least take you home?"

"I think it would be better if I rode alone."

* * *

_March 11, 2026_

_TERRA HQ's, Intelligence Division_

_0745 hrs_

Haruka arrived to her office that morning with her mind and heart still stirred by the storm of emotions that were awaken by her encounter with Dr. Kisaragi. Her mind was sunk in a sea of confusion. After a long time subdued by work and stern discipline her heart came to eagerly remind her of the emotional and physical needs she had neglected to tend. This fortuitous encounter with Itsuki had brought the internal debates all over again. Once more, self doubt took a hold, assaulting her with the countless questions that filled her mind and she feared to answer. For how long would she hold on to this quixotic quest? And she learned Itsuki still loved her after all they had been through. Would it be so wrong to accept him, to seek a new chance for happiness, to kiss away the bitter truth that the one she loved and lost would never come back?

As her mind still struggled to make sense out of her confused feelings, the chirp of an incoming message in her computer interrupted her thoughts momentarily. The message's sender surprised her and she hurried to click it open:

_"To: 1LT Shitow, Haruka, Division 2_

_From: Col. Tsubabuki, Intelligence Division Commander_

_Message Classification: EYES ONLY_

_You have been selected for Special Agent Duty. Please report at 0700 hrs at Conference Room 10. Further details will be offered during the official briefing. Please bring the following documents: personal dossier and training record, Psychological tests, medical records and immunizations, flying hours log and weapons qualification log." _

Haruka's eyes widened at the last sentence.

_"TERRA's Tactical Group has been selected for the oversight, planning and conducting field operations for Operation Overlord. The Federation, USDF, and the UN will work in joint operations. Intel Dept 2 will collaborate in the planning and execution of the field operations…"_

The rest of the message was a barrage of timelines and facts but that wasn't important for her now. A major operation was being planned! Her gears clicked and she quickly understood. She thought about Itsuki's words and what they meant. She knew he was right, but yet, how could she live with herself if she did not at least tried? Inhaling deeply, she typed a quick reply to the message and left her office in search of her records.

As she briskly walked down the corridor, she caught a glimpse of a solemn Itsuki talking with TERRA's commander Colonel Kunugi. Obviously it had to be about these latest developments to be summoned so urgently. Her lips curved in a sad smile. She knew because of his position he was soon going to find out about her new mission and what she planned to do given the chance. Glancing at him one last time before continuing her way, Haruka murmured under her breath:

"Itsuki, before I reset my clock, there's still one thing left for me to do."

Turning around leaving Itsuki behind, with a renewed determination in her eyes and spirit, Shitow Haruka reinitiated her search for what had been lost and was yet to be found again.

_Fin_

**Glossary:**

CQ: Change of quarters. An officer officially in charge of an unit Headquarters at night.

Daigaku – university

Toudai – Tokyo University

Yakuza – Japanese mafia

Bento – lunch box

**Quick note about the dates:**

Most of the dates and locations featured on this story are based on the RahXephon Bible.

**Author's notes:**

So after being inspired by Cendrillo's wonderful fic "Substitution" and again Episode 13 providing a wealth of information and inspiration enough for a second story, I finish this little pre-series story. I'll admit that Itsuki's and Haruka's relationship intrigues me and I'm sort of biased towards this pairing because poor Itsuki seems to always get to draw the short straw. I had a lot of fun with Makoto's cameo and actually, there's another character that sort of makes her cameo appearance also, but I'll let you guess that one. ;) And for those who haven't seen the movie, the day before the Mu attack Tokyo it snows; that's why I portrait Haruka having an emotional breakdown at the sight of snow precisely on the eve of the anniversary of the attack.

Hope you've enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing it!


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